While I was looking the other way…

Under Pressure August 7, 2009

Filed under: Oxygen — sarindipity @ 11:51 pm

I’ll be honest: I’ve wanted to start a blog for a long time. I follow a couple blogs and enjoy the updates of things and people that I have become interested in. I follow a blog about interior design, one about cooking, and a couple lifestyle blogs about people and their day to day life. The biggest thing about sharing is getting feedback. What a great idea, to be able to network about things that you’re interested with more than the people that you interact with daily.

Creativity is oxygen for me. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been writing in journals (quel horreur to read them now!), sketching, learning and writing music. I always challenge myself to learn more and do more. I love New Years because I am someone who excitedly makes and follows my resolutions, such as taking guitar lessons, re-learn French, take a photography course…

Sadly, I find that the older I get, the more my life gets filled with other things that take precedence over my hobbies. Namely: work, husband, family, friends, house. My life seems to be maxed in every way possible – long day at work followed by picking up groceries for dinner, preparing aforementioned dinner, eating and catching up with husband, visiting family/friends or working on a house project or cleaning, ten minutes of reading followed by bedtime. Wake up, lather, rinse, repeat.

Where can I fit in these other things? I have to force myself to read every night – not because I don’t enjoy reading – to the contrary, I love it. I have to force myself because otherwise, my whole day will be filled with things that I do for others… all day. I need at least ten minutes a day for myself.

Lately, I have seriously questioned the balance of which I assume my day-to-day life. Years ago, I lived in a small town in Italy. I was a nanny for a family and in my spare time, I traveled, I learned Italian, learned how to cook and enjoyed life. I took naps almost every single day!

I thought that upon moving back, I would maintain a serious amount of that lifestyle, but it is difficult when all hours of the day are accounted for. My disdain for those that are consumed by all work and no play mocks me as I have cocooned myself in the very lifestyle that I detest.

My point is: I need to step back and let some things that I love back into my life. I’ve started guitar lessons, a huge commitment for me beyond the weekly lesson is the half hour a day devoted to practicing. I take time experimenting in the kitchen. I have grown a love for the art of cooking and find enjoyment in it. I grow my own produce and herbs and feel slightly motherly being needed to tend to my garden daily. I’m taking the camera out more trying to learn something new every time. I put aside washing floors for yet another day week month so I can hang out with my family and friends.

But writing – this is something that I have not been able to get back into. At night, exhausted, I struggle to write more than a few lines in my journal. I know that my writing is forced, to make sure I don’t go another month without writing anything. It has become a chore which I fail time and time again.

Blogging – this seems like something I can keep up with. I’m at the computer for most hours of my day anyhow, to take a couple breaks to write down my thoughts and ideas seems so easy.

In theory.

Again, I’m failing myself. I can’t keep up with the pressures that inundate me. But for now, I will keep trying.


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